Being a Good Friend After Becoming a Mother

Surprise Sunday

 

It’s no secret, I am a mom.  These are my children….

 

park fun

 

They keep my life interesting. I spent most of my evening returning MY tennis shoes back to where they belong because my son feels the need to bring them from the doorway to the dining room and place them on the dining room table.  My daughter was a little more subdued and spent the night coloring (she loves art).

What I am realizing is that I am a horrible friend. I feel guilty having to share my attention between my friends and my children and so often I shy away from gatherings where that is needed.  That normally means if I have my children (ie. they are not home with their father or off with their grandparents) I tend to neglect my friends.

Sometimes I have gatherings at my house and my friends come, and I don’t feel as guilty because this is where my kids live and they should here.  But that isn’t fair to my friends either.

I know I need that adult interaction, but, as my husband tells me, I’m not good about asking for help.  I get it stuck in my head that is is my responsibility,  and I suck it up and I try to take care of it.  I feel guilty even asking my in laws (my kid’s grandparents) to babysit because they’re my kids, they’ve all ready raised their kids and shouldn’t have to take care of mine.

They offer a lot, and I normally take them up on the offer.  I don’t have a problem accepting help, It’s just hard for me to ask for it.  I always feel like i’m shirking my responsibilities when I do.

Isn’t it lazy to ask someone else to do something that I can do?

But how much longer can I do it myself? How much longer can I take on the world before I crash and burn?

How do I balance work, being a wife,being a mother, taking care of the house, having time for myself and still being the friend i should be for my friends?

I have some wonderful friends who are very understanding.  They were supportive of me when i was a single mother, they celebrated with me when I got married and added another child to my family, and it feels like sometimes the best I can do is give them a facebook shout out.

That’s not a good friend.  I miss making connections with people.  Being online keeps people in contact but not connected.

I know I have lost friends after becoming a mother.

Some could not handle that my life was different.  That I wasn’t free to go out at nine when they called at eight.

Some, we just drifted apart. They began a family of their own, or moved away, or they put the same energy into advancing their careers as I have put into caring for my family.  That is the nature of life.  Not all friendships last forever.

But the friends I still have are special, and I feel like I am neglecting them.  I hate that feeling.  But I don’t want to neglect my family either and I know I can’t do it all.  So what gives?

 

Hey moms!  

How do  you balance all of this?  

How do you make time to still be a good friend while still being a good mother?

Am I the only one who struggles with this?  

Leave me a comment and give me some advice!

 

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Reichal Winn
    Jul 28, 2014 @ 05:23:49

    Trust me you are not the only one. I am currently a stay at home mom. Before, the only friends I had were the ones I worked with. I never had time to go out anywhere after getting home from work and taking care of thr family. Even now as a stay at home mom I still do not have time. I too have lost frie dships over this but the understanding ones are satisfied with an occasional text, call or shout out. We tend to have lots of bbqs to help with social opportunities. Good luck!!

    Reply

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